Three IS the magic number, especially when it comes to raising confident daughters.
There are 3 key mind-changing beliefs that I believe every mom needs to know and adopt if she wants to raise confident daughters.
Mindset-Changing Beliefs #1 – Don’t Blame…Claim
Your relationship with your mom is the foundation for your future success in life.
Because this is the case, then honestly examining this relationship is essential. This examination is not about finding someone to blame, but about rightly claiming that for which you’re responsible
One of my mom clients, “Angela,” has a mom was very harsh & dismissive of her when she was younger. As a result, Angela purposed to not “be so harsh” with her own daughter.
Yet, every time Angela thought she and her daughter were on the verge of having a disagreement, she would clam up and not say anything.
Instead, Angela would let things build up inside; and eventually she’d explode over the smallest things. In the beginning of my work with Angela, when I pointed out her particular behavior patterns, it was hard for her to fully own her actions and reactions to her daughter.
However, when Angela began to take ownership of – “claim” — her behavior, she was then able to hold behavior and see what was really bothering. And most of the time what was bothering her related to past (unresolved) interactions with her own mother.
Once Angela took responsibility for her actions and understood her triggers, then she was able to make my recommended changes for her interactions with her daughter, which have since improved tremendously.
Great leaders take responsibility
for their actions—the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Being a mom is the most powerful leadership position you’ll ever have.
Mindset-Changing Beliefs #2 – Be Convinced…Don’t Compare
Women tend to always compare ourselves to external standards. [Men do it, too. They just do and deal with it differently.]
As a result, women who are moms get sucked into the notion that gold-standard for a mother-daughter relationship is that the mom and daughter are close.
However, I am convinced that mother-daughter closeness is an oxymoron – contradiction in terms.
The notion of “closeness” does not bear true in natural science. At an atomic level, elements are not close and “on top” of each other. There is some space in between two elements. The resulting “friction” – difference(s) — is welcomed because it ends up not having the two elements “slide past” each other but hold together.
So, I am convinced that separation builds closeness
As a mom, you can only build closeness with your daughter by first accepting that separation is a necessary part of the maturation process that both of you have to undergo.
Mindset-Changing Beliefs #3 – Don’t Empower. . .Shower
It is natural for a mother to want “the best” for her daughter. It’s what drives some to push, prod, even pronounce to their daughters messages of empowerment.
However, I believe that moms need to stop trying to empower their daughters but instead reclaim their own power.
The beginning part of reclaiming your own power starts with pausing to consider™ your behavior & reflecting on its origins.
During this process of pausing and reflecting, it will important to shower love. . .first on yourself and then on your daughter.
So, here’s the bottom line for every mom who wants to really empower her daughter without fear that you’re messing things up, you need to:
- Don’t Blame…Claim responsibility for your actions
- Be Convinced…Don’t Compare yourself
- Don’t Empower. . .Shower love – first on yourself, then on your daughter.
Now, if you’re one of the moms whose goal is to take this kind of mindset to the next level, I’d like to invite you to join my online Facebook group
Mother Daughter Connections FB
It’s a community of motivated moms who believe that the mother-daughter relationship is the foundation for their daughter’s future success…and are making it happen.
©Dr. Michelle Deering | All rights reserved.