For every mom who wants to raise a confident daughter and make her feel good about herself without questioning your own mothering abilities, here are three tips that will definitely help.
Tip #1 – Name It
You want to name whatever the feeling is that your daughter is experiencing. To do this, make sure you acknowledge and her the words to describe to you what she is experiencing within her internal world.
This will let her know that you’ve heard her.
If your daughter is toddler to early elementary school aged, then you will have to “guess” and “feed” her the descriptive feeling words since she might not necessarily have the full language (e.g. “Oh honey. Are you feeling sad?” or “Are you feeling upset?”). If your daughter is older, then simply saying the exact feeling word she used will connect you both at an emotional level.
Steps #2 – Frame It
When you frame her feelings, you are making sure to verbally acknowledge the circumstances and/or the situation or context within which your daughter is experiencing those feelings.
You frame by repeating back to your daughter whatever circumstances are surrounding or contributing to her emotional state. For example, you can say: “I hear you. So, you are feeling stressed by all the school work you have to do?”
Framing your daughter’s feelings this lets her know that you’ve listened to her.
Steps #3 – Claim It
Providing your daughter with a safe space within which she experiences you holding both her feelings and the context of her feelings is crucial for creating a safe space for her to talk.
Creating safety can be hard to do at times, especially if you’re tired or are identifying too much with the experience or pain your daughter is encountering (in psychology, it’s called “projecting”).
Modeling for and claiming a space for your daughter to experience this kind of maternal holding will communicate to her that you understand her.
However, this “claim it” (holding a safe space for your daughter) now will eventually teach her how to hold that space for herself and take ownership of her feelings, thoughts, and actions.
To make your daughter feel good about herself and develop more confidence, then make sure to
- Name It – her feelings
- Frame It – the circumstances surrounding her feelings
- Claim It – hold a space for her where she experiences safety from you
Following these 3 steps will help you raise a confident daughter without having to question your mothering abilities or ruffle your daughter’s feathers.
Now, if you’re a mom who is genuinely interested in how to take this to the next level, then make sure to
DOWNLOAD my FREE PDF
“Quick Guide To Lessen Arguments“
…so that you can raise a confident daughter and make your daughter feel good about herself immediately… without having to question your mothering abilities!
©Dr. Michelle Deering