Disciplining children is like filling out a FAFSA form. You’re told it’s “simple,” but to do it correctly requires so much time and effort.
Do you have trouble disciplining your child?
Well, keep reading as I share 5 costly missteps moms tend to make that keeps them from getting their children really listen to them.
What The “F.A.F.S.A.” Is This All About?
If you are planning to have your child go to college, at some point you will encounter the FAFSA® form. This form is the basis for colleges determining what your child’s financial aid package will be. That “package”will tell you the price you will be and are expected to pay for your child’s college education each year.
Barring any scholarships or gift from a “rich auntie,” the price can be huge shock!
Well, when it comes to disciplining a child, moms usually experience “sticker shock” at certain aspects of discipline that feel “expensive” in so many ways.
But with an early preparation, planning, and proactive approach, the “price tag” expense of discipline can be lessened.
The “F.A.F.S.A.” Price Tag
However, even though some moms may know that there is a high ticket “price” and possible ways to mitigate it, they still find it hard to discipline their children. Why is that?
There are five missteps that make it hard for moms to take the steps necessary to discipline their children. Moms are…
1. Fearing how they’ll be viewed by their child and others.
Almost all moms, at some point, care about what their children think about them as a mom. There is a picture that a mom has of herself regarding what a “good mom” is. Anything that can directly or indirectly damage that image in their child’s eyes is guarded.
To complicate matters, there are images and messages that women are daily bombarded with that are prick at our penchant for comparison and nack for negating their own self-worth.
Tip: Pause to consider whom you’re really trying to please.
2. Avoiding feeling hurt…again
Moms have a big heart. They are givers. However, having a big heart and being a giver can leave a mom open to getting her feelings hurt.
Many of my mom clients tell me that their heart aches every time they have to discipline their kids. In my work with these moms, I’ve found that their heartache involves the mom “reliving” something that had hurt feelings in some way.
Tip: Ask yourself, “What hurt feeling am I avoiding?”
3. Fearing the (possible negative) future effect
Moms get concerned–even fearful–about the effect their actions will have on their child’s future.
This kind of mom-worry has its root in the tendency moms have to compare their child to others.
Tip: Determine with whom you feel is your child’s competition.
4. Saying scripts in their mind about their child
There are scripts that moms have in their minds about who they think their child is instead of what their child is actually presenting to them.
These scripts can interfere with a mom accurately understanding her child’s situation or behavior pattern.
Though the reality of her child having a “negative” characteristic can sometimes be jolting, a mom has to delicately balance holding the positive aspects of her child while addressing (aka “disciplining”) the negative aspects of her child.
Tip: Observe what your child is presenting to you.
5. Angry about the infringement
A mom’s time and energy are a premium. Her resources get used up because she’s constantly giving of herself.
So, moms get tired. And the repetitive nature of some disciplining situations can get a tired mom even more tired…agitated—even angry.
Tiredness can cause a mom to get angry externally or internally.
Tip: Take stock of what is infringing on your time & re-prioritize your activities.
Attending now to these five missteps
- Fearing others’ views of you
- Avoiding hurt
- Fearing future effects
- Saying scripts
- Angry about infringements…
…will help you lessen the cost (headache) of having your children not listen to you later.
Regardless of the any missteps that may be impacting your ability to discipline your children, don’t just sit on this new knowledge and forget about it. Put it to good use so you can start getting your children to listen to you? After all, that’s what all moms want, right? Of course!
By the way, if you’re a mom who wants to start the process of addressing any of the above “5 Reasons”, check this out:
My best-selling book
What Mothers Never Tell Their Daughters
Download Your FREE CHAPTER Now!
©Dr. Michelle Deering