How To Deal With Criticism

Dr. Michelle Deering

In order to understand criticism, it’ll be important to understand the Anatomy of Criticism.

Criticism is a type of communication that occurs in which

  1. One person investigates, evaluates, &/or analyzes someone or something
  2. The person finds fault with or something lacking about the person or thing
  3. Conveys their feelings, thoughts or opinions on the matter

The act of investigating, evaluating, and analyzing is something that can usually occur without a hitch.

Tip SheetHowever, it’s in the finding “fault with” or “something lacking” that can make a person feel not-so-great. Additionally, the manner in which those findings are conveyed that can cause problems for both the conveyor and the recipient.

As a daughter, woman, or mompreneur, you face evaluations from others constantly on so many different levels.

I get that. And, like you, I’ve gotten (& still do get) evaluated daily.

My mom clients who come to me about either mother-daughter or business mindset issues, inevitably recount instances of something being said to them that made them feel not-so-great about themselves.

Criticism’s Effect Doesn’t Have To Last A Lifetime

In a book I’ve read, Thou Shall Prosper, the author Daniel Lapin, states that even though you may have gotten over someone’s hurtful comment, the emotional hurt still lingers. He went further to imply that you can never get over that hurtful comment.

I agree with Lapin that the emotional hurts lingers.

However, I disagree that you can never get over it.

I believe that change

(even a change of heart)

is always possible.

Tip SheetBeing a mompreneur involves a lot of changes. During whole process of planning, starting, building, and growing a business you will learn and grow, and experience all sorts of ups and downs.

If you want to move forward, then you won’t have the time to ruminate on the criticisms that will come your way.

Time is money and money is time.

So, the time you spend fuming or simmering over someone’s criticism of you, the less time you have to be doing the things you need to do to make the impact and money you desire to have.

So, here’s a

7-Step Strategy To Effectively Deal With Criticism

 

Step 1.  Determine If The Criticism Is Actually A Constructive Comment

A Constructive Comment is a communication that someone gives you from a place of a genuine heartfelt, tried and tested concern for your overall well-being.

If you determine that someone’s criticism is not actually a constructive comment, then move on to the next six steps to respond (not react) to it.

 

Step 2: Calm Yourself

To calm yourself, you can do something as simple as counting to 10 or taking a deep breath.

 

Step 3: Re-evaluate What Was Said To You

Once you’ve paused to calmed yourself, then replay exactly what you just heard the person say. Additionally, make sure you note what you observed (if you can physically see them) in their behavior before, during or after they communicated their criticism to you.

 

Step 4: Inquire About Their Ms: Message, Mood, & Motive

This does not mean to ask: “What’dcha just saaaay to mmmmeee?!?” 

To get at the Message, this means to (calmly) ask a clarifying question like, “I’m not sure if I heard you correctly, but it sounded like you said __X__.”

Determining their Mood will require you to make observations about their behavior and body language.

The degree to which you’ll be able to ascertain their Motive will be determined by the nature of your relationship with the person.

How you put these three pieces of information together will determine what happens in the next step.

 

Step 5: Take Time To Consider Their Response

Tip SheetIn this step, you will need to consider not just what the person says to your inquiry but how they say it. Also, you’ll also need to attend to not just what they do but also how they do something in response to your inquiry that will inform your next step.

 

Step 6: Inquire of yourself about your real thoughts & feelings

If the information you gathered in Steps 3 to 5 confirms each other, then you can ask yourself about your thoughts and feelings. However, if the information you gathered is “not all there” or you’re unable to gather all of it, then any response you have will be based on incomplete information; and you may need to go back to and do Step 4 again.

 

Step 7: Categorize Their Commentary

After you have gathered information about their Message, Mood, and Motive and determined how you really feel then you get to categorize their commentary. Think of it like cleaning out a room.

Stuff – their comment – their comment has been dumped into your room. You can either:

  • Keep it (if it meets criteria in Step 1)
  • Put it on the side (if you’re still doing Steps 3-6)
  • Toss it (if you’ve determined it’s not a “match” for your room)

Doing these 7 Steps will help you effectively deal with criticism.

Step 1: Determine if it’s Constructive Comment.

Step 2: Pause To Consider

Step 3: Re-evaluate What Was Said To You

Step 4: Inquire About Their Message, Mood, & Motive

Step 5: Consider Their Response To Your Questions

Step 6: Inquire About Your Real Thoughts & Feelings

Step 7: Categorize Their Commentary

 


Before I forget, I have a FREE PDF Tips Sheet that will help you feel better about yourself as you work on dealing with criticism.

It’s called…

The Life Mirror Remedy® Tip Sheet

Tip Sheet

Download It Now!

 

 

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