How To Peer Pressure-PROOF Your Tween & Teen Daughter

Tween and teen girls are under an inordinate amount of pressure these days! So, if you’re a mom of a tween or teen daughter – or even if she’s younger – there are 5 Ways To Peer Pressure Proof Your Daughter.

As a Mother Daughter Relationship Personal Trainer, clinical & sport psychologist, and mom of well-adjusted twin adult daughters, I’ve seen both professionally and personally what works and doesn’t work. And so, before I get into “peer pressure-proofing,” I want to quickly address peer pressure… a little differently.

The 4-1-1 On Peer Pressure

What is peer pressure? Peer pressure is when someone has packed excessive external (spoken and unspoken) “rules” on you and those “rules” become a stressor on you.

Peer pressure occurs when

external spoken & unspoken rules

become a stressor on you.

Stressors are psychologically experienced before they are physically experienced.

Psychologically, stress happens when you perceive something external to you being greater than what you can internally handle. So, if you see or perceive the external thing as being manageable, then it won’t take (as much of) a toll on you and, therefore, not be as stressful to you as it may be to someone else who perceives that same thing differently.

So, psychologically, your perception (how you’re thinking about something) is happening first.

The physical experience of stress happens second. It can happen in terms of you physically feeling anxious, scared, “depressed,” or tired. The suddenness of these physical feelings can make it seem like you are out of control in your reactions.

However, the thing about peer pressure stress is that it is something that you can prepare for so that you’re not reacting but instead responding to in the moment.

You can prepare your daughter

for peer pressure stress.

So, if you’re a mom, then how do you prepare your daughter? (Or, if you are a daughter reading this blog, then how do you prepare yourself?)  Well, there are …

5 Things You Can Do To Peer Pressure-P.R.O.O.F.™ Your Daughter

1. Be Present:

Being present is something that your mom can do for you, daughter – if you let her.

If you are a tween or teen daughter reading this blog, then one thing you need to know that it is hard for your mom sitt off to the side and just watch you experience all that you’re experiencing by yourself.

Your mom wants to not only help you but also protect you from getting hurt. It can seem (or feel) like she just doesn’t understand what you’re going through. And while, yes, times have changed since was your age, the themes and seasons of life stay the same.

Hurt is still hurt… and it hurts, no matter how you slice it or where it happens – in the lunch room, classroom, or on social media.

The key here for you, daughter, is to allow a little room for your mom to be present for you.

Allow a little room for your mom to be present for you.

Let her in, if it feels safe for you to do that.

And if it doesn’t feel safe, their tell her not only why it doesn’t feel safe, but also what she can specifically do to help you feel safe to share with her what’s going on in your life. Remember, she’s been your age before you’ve been your age… and her experience may be of help to you when it comes to handling peer pressure.

2. Reality Check The Relevance of Popularity.

What is “popularity” really?

Popularity is a” measure” of importance and acceptance that’s decided by a large group of people, called the “populus.”

Now, while there is a prevailing belief that” if a lot of people are saying something is good, then it must be good,” that is not always the case.

There is a psychological social science phenomenon called “groupthink.” Groupthink happens when people set aside their own (real) opinions and beliefs in order to conform to a group whose members have reached a consensus without applying any critical reasoning (thinking) or evaluation of consequences or alternatives.

In order to peer pressure proof yourself so that you can genuinely feel good about yourself regardless of the situation, then you really need to reality-cheek the relevance of “popularity.”

3. Open Up To What’s Really Up.

Even with all the “reality” shows, what you see on TV and social media video feeds is not what life is all about.

Your real life doesn’t revolve around house parties, proms, popularity contests, “he said / she said” news flashes. (or does it? If so, then you may want to check-in with yourself and ask: “Am I really genuinely happy?”).

You need to know…

There is sooo much more to you and your life.

You have so much ahead of you that is more important than to let yourself get dragged into the dredges of drama.

So to peer pressure-proof yourself then you really need to open up to what’s really up with what you want to hold as being truly important to you! Ask yourself:

What do I want my middle school, high school, and college experiences to be?

Then go out and create that for yourself.

4. Own Your Innate Value.

If you’ve not heard (or read) this before, I want you to know:

There is only one you.

You are unique.

You are special.

There is a reason you are here!

I really want you to sit with that for a moment….

The implications are profound.

Never in the past, never in the present, and never in the future was there, is there, or ever will be another you’ in human kind. EVER! You were born for a reason for this season of human history. Your life is making a mark and an impact on yourself and those around you.

You are valuable and thus bring value to EVERY SITUATION. Please take in and own that fact. Because, when you do, then you will be able to combat the claws of comparisons that grab so many into the cauldron of peer pressure. So peer pressure-proof yourself by owning your innate value.

5. Focus on your larger long-term goal.

Daughter, if you don’t have a larger long-term goal for your life, I’d encourage you to reflect on this and determine one.

Whether it’s a long- or short-term goal, just settle one goal!

So, if you’re

  • thinking about going to college or
  • starting a business or
  • making an athletic team or joining or
  • contributing to a theatrical dub or
  • creating an artform.

FOCUSSSSS on your goal!!! Doing this will help you get batter at making choices. The choices you make will determine whether or not you reach your goal(s). Focus will help you keep a balanced perspective for making sound decisions regarding what type and amount of energy, attention and time you will or won’t spend on distracting things like peer pressure situations.

In Summary:

So, the 5 Things That You Can Do To Peer Pressure-P.R.O.O.F.™ yourself, are:’

  1. Be Present
  2. Reality Check Popularity
  3. Own your value
  4. Open up to what’s up
  5. Focus on your goal(s)

If you’d like a few pointers on how to identify and prioritize your goals, just SCHEDULE a Quick Consult Call with me by visiting:

Remember, you’re not alone.

I’m in your corner.

MOMS! Have You Asked Me Anything? I’d be happy to help. Just fill out this brief survey & I’ll answer your question(s) on-air on my podcast, Mother Daughter Connections®. Here is the LINK:

This blog and its content are the copyrighted and owned material of Dr. Michelle Deering and Curative Connections® – ©Dr. Michelle Deering & ©Curative Connections LLC. Trademarked material is owned by Dr. Michelle Deering &/or Curative Connections LLC. No materials, in part or in whole, of this production may be copied and/or (re)distributed in any form or medium without the expressed written consent of the owner. | All rights reserved.


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