What is the best way to discipline your daughter?
That is a question that tends to float around in a mother’s mind when her daughter is not listening to her.
It is often the “go to” thought that moms go to so that, if you only had the answer to it, then everything would work out fine.
However, as a mom, the two more important questions to ask yourself are:
- What is discipline?
- How is it to be applied?
I’ll share some of my thought with you about this.
WHAT IS DISCIPLINE?
Discipline (from the Latin word, disciplinen) means “to teach, educate.” The subjective form of the word means “pupil, learner.” Put together, the word discipline involves instruction to someone who is in the position of learning whatever is being taught.
As a mom, when you encounter moments of tension or times when there is conflict between you and your daughter, then you’ll first need to pause to consider
What do I need to be learning in this moment?
What am I trying to teach my daughter in this moment?
Without getting a handle on that first, then it’ll be hard for you to keep steady and provide your daughter with what she really needs in the moment.
HOW IS DISCIPLINE TO BE APPLIED?
Moms ask me this question all the time.
It is usually couched in questions like:
- What am I to do about (insert situation)?
- Is X really the issue regarding (insert situation)?
- I don’t know how to get across to my daughter that (insert life lesson)?
The process of teaching and learning is different for everyone – especially in mother-daughter relationships.
However, the answer to “how is discipline to be applied” to your daughter lies in the word Consistency.
CONSISTENCY IS THE “KEE”
In order to apply discipline consistently, you need to first understand that…
Consistency ≠ Perfection
Consistency is all about keeping the core of your intentions at the forefront of what you do and say.
3 KEE REASONS FOR CONSISTENCY
Consistency is important because of the following 3 “KEE” reasons:
- It Keeps boundaries intact. Boundaries within a mother-daughter relationship helps a mom know where she begins and ends and where her daughter begins and ends. These lines remind a mom and daughter about who is responsible for what in their relationship. For example, feelings are personal. They occur as a result of personal thought about something experienced. Noone can “make” you feel a certain way. What happens is that you have a thought about that person’s actions which then elicits feelings within you. So the person’s actions are their responsibility and your reaction/response is your responsibility. This information is important to bear in mind when attempting to resolve an argument.
- It Exposes her to outcomes. A universal law of physics is that for every action there is an equal (or opposite) reaction. As a mom, your providing your daughter with discipline that is consistent will help her to start internalizing the fact that her actions have an effect on her surroundings – both things and people. This kind of awareness will become the foundation on which empathy is built within her. That empathy will help her in her interpersonal relationships in the near and distant future.
- It Enriches your engagement. As a mom, when you are consistent in your message (e.g. what you do or don’t stand for, your approach to life, etc.), then your daughter will know what she can expect from you. Your daughter needs that kind of “predictability” from you in her life because it will help her build a sense of safety and security with you and within herself. When she feels safe and secure within herself and with you, she will then be more likely to want to engage and connect with you…which is ultimately what you as a mom desire, right?
So remember to be consistent in your discipline of your daughter. From that base you will be able to build “currency” with her as she gets older.
BUT WHAT IF I’M NOT (OR HAVE NOT BEEN) CONSISTENT?
Don’t worry about “being too late.”
It’s never to late to change the trajectory of your mother-daughter relationship.
That’s why I’ve put together my FREE Quick Guide To Lessen Arguments™ PDF.
DOWNLOAD IT HERE:
“Quick Guide To Lessen Arguments“
…so that you can know what & what not to do and say so that you can lessen the conflict, communicate more effectively, and connect better with your daughter.
©Dr. Michelle Deering | All rights reserved.