There are some who argue that dealing with the death and loss of your mom is worse that losing a pet. There are some who’d argue the opposite – that dealing with the death and loss of a pet is waaay worse. While the two scenarios may not be comparable, the fact remains that they are different experiences.
But, death is death; and loss is loss no matter how you slice it. And the grief that follows a loss is personal and unique to everyone and worth talking about with someone.
Loss Of A Mom
When it comes to grief over the loss of a mom, there are some characteristics of the process that are worth noting. For a daughter – especially if she’s had strained or estranged relations with her mom – she will experience an added complexity in her GRIEF™ process.
The Complexity Of A Daughter’s GRIEF™ Process.
There are 5 aspects of a daughter’s GRIEF™ process that she will experience after either losing her mom to strained relations, estrangement, or death. Her dealing with death and loss will involve her coming to terms with:
- Generational “Mom Scripts”
- Relationship Patterns passed down
- Internal Dialogue
- Emotion Management Strategies
- Forgiveness “Fixes”
Generational “Mom Scripts”
These are “scripts” that your mom (directly or indirectly) conveyed to you throughout your life. Such “scripts” are things your mom tended to say to you at different points in time. My mom used to say, “Prevent is better that cure” whenever I made a mistake or if (on those rare occasions) I would tell her about a situation I faced and needed her input.
Scripts usually occur unconsciously. Those (past) unconscious scripts can negatively affect you, especially if you don’t #PauseToConsider the effect on you. So, it’ll be important to get help.
Relationship Patterns
Relationship patterns are first learned from your mom. Your mom is the one with whom you first had contact, before birth in her uterus and then after birth during feeding time. From there, your social circles expanded from her. Her responses (or non-responses) to you informed what relationship patterns you learned to implement with others. Those patterns may helpful to you as navigate your way through dealing with the death or loss of your mom.
Internal Dialogue
The way that you “talk to yourself” in your own head is internal dialogue. The internal dialogue that you engage in at different difficult decision points may be positive or negative. It may also have its origins in the Generational “Mom Scripts” I mentioned earlier.
The death and loss or your mom is a stressful time. During that time, your internal dialogue may be resulting in negative outcomes in your relationship with those around you. That internal dialogue – your thoughts – will end up affecting your Emotion Management Strategies.
Emotion Management Strategies
Your current emotion management strategies are important for you to #PauseToConsider. Without doing this, it will be hard for you to make the necessary change or adjustments for you to be able to deal with the death and/or loss of your mom in a healthier way.
The last thing you would want to do is to perpetuate generational cycles of hurt and pain onto your own family, especially if you yourself have a daughter. If your current emotion management strategies are making you “feel some kinda way” that is not helpful to you and your relationships now, then you can look into trying some Forgiveness “Fixes.”
Forgiveness “Fixes”
Forgiveness “Fixes” involve your relinquishing your right to retaliate against:
- Yourself, using self-blame
- Others, through any unconscious or conscious actions or inactions.
This is important because the more you “retaliate” (e.g. lash out or retreat inward with self-blame) the more your journey towards healing will be filled with hurt and pain.
SUMMARY
In summary, the 5 aspects of a daughter’s GRIEF™ process in dealing with death and loss of her mom will involve her coming to terms with:
- Generational “Mom Scripts”
- Relationship Patterns passed down
- Internal Dialogue
- Emotion Management Strategies
- Forgiveness “Fixes”
If you’re having difficulty dealing with the death and loss of your mom, then hop on a quick MicroSolutions Call with me now! It’s Free! …and it’ll be the best 10 minutes you’ll spend getting MicroSolutions that will lead you towards health and healing in your mother-daughter relationship.
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