There is this saying, “money does not grow on trees.” Well, it grows out of ATMs. At least that’s least how things are going in our age of technology. Our daughters used to think that when they were little. However, over the last 20 years, their thinking has evolved from being oblivious to taking ownership of how they relate to money.
I spoke about money and mindset almost two years ago in episode 29. Since then, our daughters have been on their own and managing their money. They are about to graduate from college, be out in the big world, and I am not as worried as I thought I would be about how they are handling their money. Why?
Here are four fundamental principles that my hubby and I have endeavored to instill in them. These principles have been helpful, and I would like to share them with you. They are:
- Money is costly.
- Money is earned.
- Money needs mastering.
- Money is nice, but not everything.
Principle One: Money is Costly
Money comes at a cost; the time and energy it can or may take to acquire it. I was raised by a single mother who worked all the time and could not attend my activities because she did not have the energy to be involved. So, my desire for my daughters, where ‘cost’ is concerned, is to make sure that they did not experience what I did, and that I was there for them.
It is easy to get sidetracked from this desire, and my daughters experienced a season of imbalance from me. However, they also saw me pause to make changes. I made those changes because I remembered the intent around money ‘costs.’
Our daughter, Candice, had three part-time jobs, and because everyone kept hearing about her talent and ability, they wanted her to be more involved. However, it got to a point where she realized the ‘cost’ that it had on her to make money. She liked having extra funds in her pocket, but she decided to resign from one position and is now managing life much better.
Principle Two: Money is Earned
There was a time when entitlement meant expecting something to be given to you without any effort for earning it. Now, I think the timeframe expected for receiving something is much shorter.
When Candice was about six years old, we were walking through our local K-Mart, and I had no idea that Candice had seen something that she liked. A couple of weeks later, Candice pulled out her little purse and put twenty-five dollars on the table at dinner. She had apparently saved up the money that my hubby and I would give her for doing house jobs to earn money.
Candice looked at me and asked, “Mommy, can you take me to K-Mart so I can buy this guitar that I had my eye on?” We looked at her and realized that she understood that she had to earn money to purchase what she wanted.
Principle Three: Money Needs Mastering
This principle is where the concept of internal discipline comes into play. Internal discipline is being quick to consider the outcome of your behavior. For example, consistently investing in money, work, effort, or time now will benefit you tomorrow.
My youngest daughter, Jasmine, knew that she had specific goals for her collegiate experience and wanted to be able to study abroad. She invested her time and energy by applying for many scholarships, grants, and awards. The money that she earned was saved for the future. She garnished and funded her desired goal for her life.
Principle Four: Money is nice, but it is not everything
While money might make the economy and the commerce function, money is nice but not everything. It is about love and thinking outside of oneself regarding how, when, or on whom we spend our money. The important thing to remember is that we each do it differently and we need to acknowledge a person’s heart during it all.
Jasmine is usually in tune with other people and purchases the perfect gift! Candice, on the other hand, may spend her money differently. She will spend her money on something that can be crafted and spend time in love preparing something for someone.
Kindness is not about how much money is spent but how much you hear and acknowledge another person’s heart, desire or need. So yes, money is nice, but it is not everything. It’s really about love.
Summary
Those are the four principles that my husband and I have endeavored to get across to our daughters: Money is costly. Money is earned. Money needs mastering. Money is nice, but not everything.
I found it interesting to see how those principles stuck to our daughters and how and when they manifested. I also find the proverbial, ‘planting a seed to see what grows’ interesting. No matter the amount or the source of the seed, the fact remains that whatever you sow, you reap. That principle remains constant throughout.
Believe it or not, that same principle exists when mothering. I think grace is added because we moms are imperfect people perfectly loving our daughters imperfectly. However, I also believe that if in our world of imperfection we can acquire resources that can broaden our capacity to build a more solid foundation, fill gaps of understanding that would decrease conflict, or facilitate improved meaningful connections within our mother-daughter relationships then that would be a worthwhile investment.
I always want to make mothers’ investment of time and money more doable. So, if you are a mom who:
- Feels challenged with helping your daughter feel more confident in her skin
- Feels unsure about how to handle the tensions that often occur during the toddler, tween, and teen years
- Is craving a deeper connection with your daughter I would like to be able to provide you with resources that will be helpful, I would like to be able to provide you with resources that will be helpful.
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© Dr. Michelle Deering | All rights reserved.
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