Do You Argue With Your Daughter?
Ever say “one thing” to your daughter and, before you know it, you find that you are unable to stop arguing with your daughter?
Like the world war splattering of shots, explosions, shrapnel, and tear gas (with even some crying at times) words, stares, and body language become an arsenals of destruction…and not understanding.
Whether your daughter is elementary school or heading off to college, an argument is an argument.
…and arguments happen for a reason. However, if you don’t take steps to address how they happen between you and your daughter, you’ll just keep building up more infected scar tissue and scabs in your relationship with each other.
Here’s How You Stop (Use the S.T.O.P.P.™ Method)
Step 1
Sense what is rising up within you…
…by determining what “nerve” (of your “last nerves”) is being hit? That nerve is intricately tied to your feelings. Are you feeling hurt (usually covered over by anger), fearful, unappreciated, disrespected, etc.?
When you identify the main thing(s) you are feeling, double-check to see if what you are feeling really pertains to your daughter.
Why? Because, it may really be an issue specific to you.
Step 2
Take a time-out.
You know that, deep down, you want to stop arguing with your daughter. So, find a corner – a space – for yourself to sit, calm down, and clear your head so that you can do Step 3…
Step 3
Open the eyes of your heart …
… to see and hear what your daughter was (and was not) saying. Remember, if the thing that you’re feeling towards daughter in the heat of the moment is really “your issue,” then you’ve likely not been interacting with her but with what she represents to you in the moment. Also, she may not need (or want) you to “fix it” for her, but to just listen to her. So, that brings you to Step 4…
Step 4
Put a sock in it.
Just close your mouth and not try to have the “last word” in your interaction with her.
Remember, this is not (at least, it ought not to be) a competition between you and your daughter.
Step 5
Pace yourself for re-entry.
After you have not said anything for a spell, then observe and gauge how open your daughter is regarding your having any communication/contact with her.
If she needs space, give it to her. `
©Dr. Michelle Deering & Curative Connections LLC
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