Here are 3 three secrets to remember that will help every mom feel less conflict and guilt when saying “No” to her daughter.
Secret #1: Institute Limits
What you need to understand about this is that your daughter needs to know where your “line” (in the sand) is. Your “line” will help your daughter learn where her own “line” (in the sand) is.
What’s most important about this is that when your daughter knows her “line” (i.e. her own boundaries), then that will help her deal better with social pressures.
Instituting limits will determine the success with which your daughter will navigate social situations with peers. If she doesn’t know where her line is then she won’t be able to establish or maintain appropriate emotional and mental boundaries in her relationship with others (including you). Additionally, she will be more prone to either take on other people’s responsibilities or blame herself for things for which she’s not responsible.
So, the next step for you is to determined what your “line” is and say “No” to anything that might attempt to cross over it.
Secret #2: Live & Learn…Emotionally
Knowing this secret is critical for any mom to succeed at saying “No” to her daughter without feeling guilt. As her mom, it is important to help your daughter live with her emotions and learn to tolerate experiencing difficult and uncomfortable feelings.
Every well-intentioned mom never wants her daughter to experience pain. However, it’s important to help your daughter understand that difficult life situations happen and that it’s important to not lose hope and exercise her volition over those things she can control (like her response to a situation).
Teaching your daughter to live with her emotions and learn to tolerate them is better for her in the long run. Why? Because you be giving (not taking away) her opportunity to develop the strength and skills she’ll need to function on her own.
So, it’ll be important for you to acclimate to the notion that there will be times that either you (or eventually, someone else) will have to tell your daughter, “No.” Just be supportive in your sentiments with her as she wrestles with and works through her feelings about it all.
Secret #3: Teach Respect
An important key idea with this secret is:
Respect is something that is taught (not earned).
As a mom, it’s important that you teach your daughter respect…by first respecting yourself. This means making sure you are exercising your power to say “No” to her, people, or situations that might infringe on your boundary lines.
You are your daughter’s first role model of what a woman respecting (or not respecting) herself looks like. Be mindful of ways in which you may (or may not) be modeling this for her.
If you don’t demonstrate to her how to teach others to treat you, then she will enter the world disempowered to respect who she is and what she brings to the table; and may become less confident in respecting herself when amongst her peers.
Therefore, make sure you are not only respecting your “No” but also are giving her experiences where she can express her “No” and have it respected, too.
So there you have it! 3 secrets that will help any and every mom say “No” to their daughter with less (internal) conflict and guilt. They are:
- Institute Limits
- Live & Learn…Emotionally
- Teach Respect
Thought this was cool? Well, if you also want to experience less (internal) conflict and guilt in other areas of communication with your daughter, then my FREE PDF “Quick Guide To Lessen Arguments” lays it all out for you!
Check it out here http://bit.ly/lessarguments
©Dr. Michelle Deering | All rights reserved.