The Top 2 Problematic Mother Daughter Relationship Patterns

There are 4 distinctive patterns of interactions that mothers and daughters display, but here are the two most common relational patterns with mother daughter relationships that I have come across.

You can read about all 4 patterns in my book, ‘What Mothers Never Tell Their Daughters.’

Pattern #1: Mom-In-Daughter™ Relationship

There are common statements mothers sometimes say:

“My daughter has stopped listening to me”
“She’s changed”
“She is not doing what I want her to do”
“We aren’t close as we use to be”

As a sport psychologist, I have seen situations where the daughter begins to progress through her athletic career and the daughter’s performance is being introjected INTO the mom. This mean, the mom has taken IN her daughter’s performance as a personal reflection of herself, as a mom.

Mom-In-Daughter™ patterns are exhibited when a mom starts to experience push back or pull away responses from her daughter. These experiences may make a mother want to stay closer to her daughter and be more -involved- in her daughter’s life.

There are times when a mom may feel offended by the pushback from her daughter. If she starts making choices regarding her sports involvement and wants to explore other career options for herself.

Initially, that can be hard for a mom. The degree of difficulty may indicate how much her daughter’s athletic career was an extension of her own fears for her daughter’s future. Facing this fear will help a mom change her responses to her daughter in those moments and ease the tension in their relationship.

Pattern #2: Mom-Or-Daughter™ Relationship

There are two strands to this pattern:

1) When a mom is either emotionally or mentally leaning on her daughter for support, the daughter is seen more like a parent to the mom.

2) When a mother’s main focus is the friend relationship with her daughter. When this happens, a mom will have a hard time disciplining her daughter or feel unsure of how to do so. This happens when a mom is more concerned about being ‘liked’ due to her fear of rejection.

This can prompt a mom to avoid feeling or experiencing rejection by simply avoiding or tuning out situations or overcompensate to make up for things along the way.


These are the two most common relational patterns with mother daughter relationships:

1) Mom-In-Daughter™

2) Mom-Or-Daughter™

Truthfully, we all exhibit one of these patterns at some point in time in our Motherhood journey. When we notice something is off or we are feeling concerned and don’t know what to do or say in a particular situation, it can feel like a lonely or isolated place to be due to the internal conflict going on inside. Have you ever felt that way?

I personally have, at different points in time while raising my own twin daughters.

You may get advice from other mothers; however, it may take some time to sift through what was truly helpful and at that point, all you want is ANSWERS! and I hear you…

As a mom of twin daughters, please know that I get it! That’s why I developed Conflict to Closeness™ Mom Mentorship Program. It’s a three-month, small group mentoring program, that guides mothers through The Life Mirror Remedy® to get them feeling more confident in themselves, as a mom, and more informed about what’s really going on with their daughter.

click here

To apply to the Conflict to Closeness Mom Mentorship Program, fill out the application at The application and review process opens from January 10th to March 15th of 2022. The program begins in March, 2022, for those accepted into the program.

Come and learn about the five-step process for building a solid foundation for a healthy mother daughter relationship and much more.


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